Walkin the Dog...

Tonight I took my puppy for a walk. And while walking through my somewhat quiet neighborhood, I was watching as my dog would always put his nose to the ground and get way ahead of me. I always made him come back, and would sometimes get a little frustrated by it, but he is a puppy so I couldn't be to mad, he is just learning. The funny thing about this though, was that he would get ahead of me, stop, look back at me, and then wait for me to catch up. I couldn't help but compare this to my walk with God. I just kept thinking about how the Dog Whisperer, my mom's favorite, says the dog should walk with its head up and right at your side. This past sunday at church, the pastor was saying how so often we go ahead of God, and forget that He is there. And then when we can't go any further on our own, we ask Him to come back. Sort of like what my puppy would do. He'd get to the end of the leash, and then look at me and wait for me to get closer to him so that he could once again reach the end of the leash. In terms of the Dog Whisperer, I need to be the pack leader of my dog, but when it comes to my faith, I need to be a part of the pack, where God is the leader. How often do we try and do things on our own, get to the end of our leash, and then realize oh hey God, I can use your help now, wanna come closer? I don't know about you, but I am sick of living this way. Nothing ever ends up right, and I just end up in well, a mess! Anyone want to join me on living at God's side instead of all the way in front of Him?

Where did you go??

So about 6 months ago I decided I would write a "Note" as facebook calls them on modesty and purity. It was more for myself and my Christian Sisters and Brothers. But God has been pretty much YELLING at me to extend this to my Sisters and Brothers who may not be fellow believers. And to speak to them/you from my heart. This is for everyone!



For nearly 3 years I had the privilege of being a "big sis" to some girls from my old youth group. I had the privilege of messing up in front of them, fixing those mess ups and growing so much from them. I had and still have the privilege of investing in their lives and being that person that tells them straight forward why I don't want them doing things. These girls mean more then anything to me. They have inspired me so much for my future and the goals I have made for my life. So this blog is for them. It is also because the "lil bros" I have from this old youth group. I have a passion for changing the world.. and well for me this is where it starts.



I am completely disgusted and just broken hearted by this world and the way it promotes to young teens that "sex sells" and I am so very broken hearted over how many young teens, both boys and girls, give into this, except this, and make this a reality.



I was at a Carrie Underwood concert this past weekend. As my mom and I sat and waited for the concert to began we saw countless girls and older women walking by with there boobs popping out of their shirts, their butts hanging out of their shorts. Now I get that this is the "norm" for country music... BUT WHY? Why have we let this become the norm? Why do so many girls only feel confident and beautiful when they have their bodies on display?

Why is it that I turn on a TV and all you see is girls barely dressed, demeaning themselves in how they act, and showing the young girls who they look up to that being this way is "a sign of maturity." And not only does this affect girls, it greatly affects boys! Have you heard the way boys talk about girls these days? Have you seen how boys are told they are suppose to act these days? Why do we let this happen? Why do we just keep giving in? Why don't we fight this and say you know what this needs to end now. We need our kids to grow up being Respectful and Respected.



I ask myself all the time, "what is it that a guy would really want in a girl?" because lets face it ladies... ITS SO HARD TO FIGURE THEM OUT! hahaha! But in all seriousness I wonder this often. But you know what I learned? I learned I am asking and wondering the wrong question. I should really be asking "what is it i would want a guy to want me for?" and when I answer that... I never have said, oh i want him to like me for my body and to think that I am hot. Instead I want him to like me for my heart, for my passions, for my thoughts, for my strength. And well of course I'd like him to think that I am pretty! but not the kind of pretty that is based off of lust, and desires, but the kind of pretty that is based off of charm, and my smile, the kind of pretty that comes from the inside and shines through on the outside. Because i know 40 years from now I am not gonna be as put together as I am now. that 40 years from now my body will look drastically different. So if the only thing a guy is interested in me for is my body... well that will be short lived.

But I am a girl.. and even though I know I shouldn't be asking what guys want in a girl... I still do! so I thought I would do this survey type thing on my Facebook. There is this book called The Truth About Guys written by this amazing man named Chad Eastham. In this book he compares girls to cars, because most guys love cars! Well he begins to explain how if a guy is given a car you know with this killer engine and just everything he could ever want and is just told to go and do what he wants with it.. that that guy is going to just drive it as fast as he can, do a bunch of crazy stuff with it.. and probably wreck it. But if this same guy had to work, save up the money and buy his dream car with help from no one then, they are going to take care of that car, they are going to make it last, treat it like their baby. He compared this to how us girls should be with guys. If we give them everything they want, show off our bodies, and give ourselves away to them.. chances are they are going to treat us like that first car, they will just use us for a while but once we get old, once they have a chance to wreck us then they are done. But if the guy has to work for your attention, has to work to be your boyfriend, and genuinely cares for you, then he will treat you like the second car. Wouldn't you much rather be the one he worked hard for and continues to work hard for?

So now, what does my facebook survey thing have to do with this?? Well I thought lets take this one step further, lets see what a guy truly cares about in his car. So on my status I asked this question:

"Question for the guys who are car lovers... When it comes to your dream car do you want something that is beautiful on the outside, but comes with a mediocre engine, messed up interior; or would you rather have a car that looks okay on the outside, not a beauty but not a dump, but has the best engine money could buy, and perfect interior?"

Everyone who commented on this answered the second choice. That they would much rather have a car with the best engine and that just look ok on the outside. That yea, they'd want it to be beautiful on the outside but the most important thing is what was on the inside, what the car was made of.
Now I guess that isn't solid evidence that guys prefer girls for their insides rather then their outsides... but in all honesty girls... Is that really what we want? And is that really what we want to show the world?

So here is my challenge to you girls: show the world exactly what it is that you would like to be desired for. And to show the world how you want to be treated and respected.

And you boys? you get a challenge too: Show the girls in your life respect, and desire them in a healthy and respectful way. because boys, us girls tend to dress to impress you boys!

Modest is Hottest!

I have no clue if any of this made sense... or if i just rambled.. But I'll let God use what he wants from this.

If You Really Knew Me...

I am a big fan of cheesy t.v. shows. I watch a lot of disney channel shows, abc family shows, and even a few on mtv. At the moment, one of my favorite shows is If You Really Knew Me. I am a big cry baby and I will admit it! I don't care what people say about that, because well I feel its a complete gift from God, I am an emotional person and it helps me really relate to others. But this show every time I watch a new episode even an old one, I tear up and let a few tears come out.

If You Really Knew Me is a show about high school kids going through this thing called "Challenge Day." On Challenge Day you pretty much open up to your fellow classmates and let them know all the hurt, frustration and just anything else that lays heavily on your heart. All of the students break off into groups of about 7 people and you begin sharing with this simple statement... "If you really knew me you would know that....." and by the end of the day all the kids are changed after seeing just all the hurt they may have caused, that their friends are going through, and even that people they dont know are going through.

Now to some of you, this may seem just plain stupid, and fake. But to me I find it inspiring. There is so often in so many high schools where the kids are just so nasty and mean to each other and you know it doesn't just happen in schools it happens everywhere. and its not just in high schools either. Its in junior highs, in college, and even withing adults. Its just a really nasty side of human nature and we are all guilty of it at some point in our lives.

I think this show is so awesome because often many high school kids live in their own world and don't think about how their actions are affecting those around them. Or maybe they do know that what they are doing is hurting others and they get some satisfaction out of that. But this challenge day makes them step back and start really seeing the person that is underneath the skin.

In one episode they used the analogy of an ice berg. Ice bergs are 10% above water and the other 90% is below the surface. They compared this ice berg to people. The 10% we let the world see is our Image, the clothes we wear, how we look and present ourselves to each other. The other 90% is who we really are, our emotions, our fears, everything that really makes us who we are. I thought it was such a great picture of who we are and how we act. And then I started thinking of my life as a Christian.

I started asking myself how often I only let the world see 10% of me and leave the other 90% under the water and only ever let a select few see that. But as christians we are suppose to be transparent with one another as a way of keeping each other accountable. However, how many times to we put up a front of " I am a christian and yea thats all there is too it, theres nothing underneath this mask" when the reality of it is, I am a christian and I struggle with sin on a daily basis and it hurts and breaks me down.

So If you really knew me... you would know that underneath the image I give off I am a sinner who gets stuck and messes up and beats herself down for it.

If I really knew you what would i know?

Late night thoughts...

Darling, its so nice to finally see your face
Come and sit with me
Place your arm around me
lets snuggle up real close.

Tell me all about your adventures,
your secrets and past.
Place your trust with in me,
giving your heart to me.

Darling, I have waited so long for this moment
I've searched and searched,
but always came up empty.
My heart keeps racing for you.

This is the start of our lives.
So darling, will you hurry up,
get here soon
My dreams just arent enough.

Playing the role of Job... part 1

It has been over 2 months since I have sat down and just spent time with God, reading his word and just venting to Him. This makes my stomache turn when I think about how before the passing of my granddaddy and the news about the closing of my church campus, I spent everyday for months just reading my bible and talking to God. My relationship with Him was on track! He was my focus, my number one, my center. And my life was going so great! I was happy, confident, and not worried. But then those above things happened and I let myself give up, and I basically said, "Well God, I started doing what you asked of me, reading my bible and praying, truly following you, and then you take my granddaddy away from me.. and now you are taking my church away from me?" I took a step back and I have allowed myself for over 2 months to basically ask God why he would do this to me, when I was being faithful to Him.

Tonight, I thought and realized the only time I read my bible in the past two months was when I spoke to the jr. high and high school kids at my campus. I opened my bible for the first time in 2 months so that I could speak to kids about God? How messed up is that?? I feel so ashamed of myself. So, as I pulled into my driveway tonight I saw my bible on the floor of my passenger side... I looked at it and felt the need to bring it inside. Mind you my bible has been in my car for over a week now. I said to God, "Ok... I'll just bring it inside tonight... and maybe I'll read it, but I am pretty tired." But as I sat down on the computer to facebook, I said this is sad I should really just read instead of waste time on here...

So there I am laying on the living room floor, flipping through my bible trying to figure out what am I going to read. I think to myself Psalm! But the funny thing about Psalm is that pretty much everytime you open your bible in the middle you end up in Psalm.. this time however, I ended up in Job. I flip to the beginning of Job and read the first few verses... and I am hooked. Turns out God pretty much made me end up there because at the moment my life reflects that of Job.

Job is one of the most faithful men! He is righteous and obeys God and praises Him in all he does! Well one day the Lord talks to Satan and asks him if he has considered Job. Satan tells God, of course he is faithful to you, He has thousands of live stock a nice home, basically he is rich! So God tells Satan, ok go ahead and take all of that way from him but do not touch Job.
So satan takes away his live stock, his servants, even his children! and Job falls to his knees and worships God. So again God asks Satan if he has considered Job. Satan tells God that of course he will still worship you, he still has his skin and bones, take that away and surely he will forsake you. So God tells Satan to go ahead just do not take Job's life.

Satan makes Job ill with sores and worms. Job tries to continue and worship God, his wife tells him to just forsake God and give up. After many days, Job grows depressed, his 3 friends hear of what has happened and they go to see their dear friend. As they are gathered with him none of them speak for several days because they see the agony and pain their friend is in. Then finally Job speaks out and he basically cries out asking why and getting mad at God. He has stopped praising God. His friends repeatedly try to tell him he needs to stop being angry and forsaking God and to start giving him praise. However, Job wont hear it. He just keeps complaining and being angry. This goes on and on..

Now I am only half way through Job and as I sat there reading these 21 chapters, I kept thinking how foolish this man is. How can you sit there and be angry at God. He gave you everything you had! and you praised him your whole life because things were good and even when things were bad. But as soon as you loose your health you begin gripping and complaining.

And then I realized, I AM JOB! I praised God and followed Him and stayed faithful, while everything was great... but as soon as bad things started happening I stopped praising. Job's friends said some pretty awesome things...

Job 11:5-6

But if only God would speak, if only he would open his lips against you, and reveal to you the secrets of wisdom for true wisdom has two sides so that you would know that God has forgiven some of your sins

Job 11:13-19

"As for you, if you prove faithful and if you stretch out your hands toward him, if iniquity is in your hand put it far away, and do not let evil reside in your tents. For then you will lift up your face without blemish; you will be securely established and will not fear. For you will forget your trouble; you will remember it like water that has flowed away. And life will be brighter than the noonday; though there be darkness, it will be like the morning. And you will be secure, because there is hope; you will be protected and will take your rest in safety.You will lie down with no one to make you afraid, and many will seek your favor.

...If you prove faithful...

If we only stay faithful, continue to praise and worship God, in the good the bad the pretty and the ugly, then we will lift up our face with out blemish. Our agony will be gone. Now that doesn't mean everything will be perfect. What it does mean is that we will forget our troubles and we will be able to just trust in God and be secure in that and have that be all that we need.

Sometimes I wonder why God puts up with us. Why he always is there for us, and sticks around no matter how many times we let Him down. I am always blown away by the fact that God loves me unconditionally. That he will always forgive me. His grace is crazy!

So I ask you... who ever you are... how many times will we play the role of Job when we are meant to be Christ-like. When will we stop playing the role of Job, and start playing the role we were designed to play?

Goodbyes July 6th, 2010

tonight was really hard.. i helped my two best friends, mark and jamie, move out of there apartment. Now they are only moving about an hour away… and i know thats not that far.. but it is still really hard.

This event marks a domino effect of goodbyes for me in the next month. There are 4 more sundays left at the church i have come to call my home. 4 sundays left with the students and leaders that have become my family, my friends, my everything.

I met mark and jamie about a year ago. And it has been so easy from the beginning to just talk to them and hang out with them. I have been able to trust them with so much, and have been so lucky to have them to go to when ever something goes wrong. I honestly could not have asked for better friends.

I really hate change. I always have. But i know i need to just trust in God. I know he put Jamie and Mark in my life for a reason, and i know that they will remain a major part of my life, just as they do now. It’ll just take a little more work.

I am just wondering when things are going to start looking up for me.. I feel like things just keep getting worse… but I know God wont give me more then I can handle.

oh well thats all for now..

Catching my breath June 17th, 2010

So much has been going on my life lately.. It had been pretty darn crazy.. and one big mess and heart ache after another.

For starters, a lot of changes are happening at my church, starting with losing our youth pastor. I have volunteered with this youth group for quite sometime now, and i can’t even begin to describe the hurt and confusion that is taking place right now. I do know that God is in complete control and will bring all of us out of this stronger and more faithful people. It just kills me to see the hurt and confusion in these kids who were just starting to trust and take deeper steps into their faith. But maybe that was Gods plan? Get there feet wet get them excited, and then put them through a hard time to show them his amazing grace, love, and just how much he truly cares about them.

This youth group has done wonders for me… even after i graduated. They have been my family, my friends, my shoulders to cry on, the people i have given my all too. they have seen me at my worst, and at my best, yet they are the people who have accepted me for 100% of everything i am. And i can not tell you of any other place other then Gods own hands that i have ever felt that. I am truly so proud of the students and just the way they love everyone, and accept everyone and anyone that would walk into the doors of our small student ministries buildings. The way they cared for each other was just an amazing thing to watch.

God did not put me in this place just so that the students could learn from me, but so that i could learn from these students as well. If it weren’t for them i would not have the strong relationship with Jesus that i now have. They have brought out my passion and made clear what my future is. If it weren’t for these kids I would not have realized how much i passionately love working and helping the youth. And I can not wait to take what i have learned from you guys and become a youth pastor!

About a month ago I traveled up north to go and visit my granddaddy, to say our goodbyes. the most amazing and incredible thing happened the night before we left to go up there.. This strong, stubborn man accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior, and gave his life to Christ. I can not tell you how incredible that was for me and my family, just to know that we will get to see him again. My granddaddy was a great man, and such a great granddaddy. He lived and incredible and full life! on may 18th, this great man went to go and be with his creator. And i know very much so that he is looking down on me and watching over me.

I have never lost a loved one before, in fact i only know one other person that has died. Yea i have heard of people dying but i have never known them directly or met them. So this is definitely one of the hardest things i have ever had to go through. I miss my granddaddy every day. I never lived close to him, and i didn’t get to see him often but when ever i did it was always such a blast. My granddaddy was seriously a really cool guy with awesome stories from his childhood. I remember one summer i went up north to see him, and we went fishing and i was so bored by it, it still is not my favorite thing to do and i find it boring… but i still am so happy that he wanted to share that with me. something i will always always cherish.

Life is really rough at times.. but its great to know that God is always there for me, and has given me some long lasting friendships to get me through.

June 17th, 2010