Darling, its so nice to finally see your face
Come and sit with me
Place your arm around me
lets snuggle up real close.
Tell me all about your adventures,
your secrets and past.
Place your trust with in me,
giving your heart to me.
Darling, I have waited so long for this moment
I've searched and searched,
but always came up empty.
My heart keeps racing for you.
This is the start of our lives.
So darling, will you hurry up,
get here soon
My dreams just arent enough.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Playing the role of Job... part 1
It has been over 2 months since I have sat down and just spent time with God, reading his word and just venting to Him. This makes my stomache turn when I think about how before the passing of my granddaddy and the news about the closing of my church campus, I spent everyday for months just reading my bible and talking to God. My relationship with Him was on track! He was my focus, my number one, my center. And my life was going so great! I was happy, confident, and not worried. But then those above things happened and I let myself give up, and I basically said, "Well God, I started doing what you asked of me, reading my bible and praying, truly following you, and then you take my granddaddy away from me.. and now you are taking my church away from me?" I took a step back and I have allowed myself for over 2 months to basically ask God why he would do this to me, when I was being faithful to Him.
Tonight, I thought and realized the only time I read my bible in the past two months was when I spoke to the jr. high and high school kids at my campus. I opened my bible for the first time in 2 months so that I could speak to kids about God? How messed up is that?? I feel so ashamed of myself. So, as I pulled into my driveway tonight I saw my bible on the floor of my passenger side... I looked at it and felt the need to bring it inside. Mind you my bible has been in my car for over a week now. I said to God, "Ok... I'll just bring it inside tonight... and maybe I'll read it, but I am pretty tired." But as I sat down on the computer to facebook, I said this is sad I should really just read instead of waste time on here...
So there I am laying on the living room floor, flipping through my bible trying to figure out what am I going to read. I think to myself Psalm! But the funny thing about Psalm is that pretty much everytime you open your bible in the middle you end up in Psalm.. this time however, I ended up in Job. I flip to the beginning of Job and read the first few verses... and I am hooked. Turns out God pretty much made me end up there because at the moment my life reflects that of Job.
Job is one of the most faithful men! He is righteous and obeys God and praises Him in all he does! Well one day the Lord talks to Satan and asks him if he has considered Job. Satan tells God, of course he is faithful to you, He has thousands of live stock a nice home, basically he is rich! So God tells Satan, ok go ahead and take all of that way from him but do not touch Job.
So satan takes away his live stock, his servants, even his children! and Job falls to his knees and worships God. So again God asks Satan if he has considered Job. Satan tells God that of course he will still worship you, he still has his skin and bones, take that away and surely he will forsake you. So God tells Satan to go ahead just do not take Job's life.
Satan makes Job ill with sores and worms. Job tries to continue and worship God, his wife tells him to just forsake God and give up. After many days, Job grows depressed, his 3 friends hear of what has happened and they go to see their dear friend. As they are gathered with him none of them speak for several days because they see the agony and pain their friend is in. Then finally Job speaks out and he basically cries out asking why and getting mad at God. He has stopped praising God. His friends repeatedly try to tell him he needs to stop being angry and forsaking God and to start giving him praise. However, Job wont hear it. He just keeps complaining and being angry. This goes on and on..
Now I am only half way through Job and as I sat there reading these 21 chapters, I kept thinking how foolish this man is. How can you sit there and be angry at God. He gave you everything you had! and you praised him your whole life because things were good and even when things were bad. But as soon as you loose your health you begin gripping and complaining.
And then I realized, I AM JOB! I praised God and followed Him and stayed faithful, while everything was great... but as soon as bad things started happening I stopped praising. Job's friends said some pretty awesome things...
Job 11:5-6
Tonight, I thought and realized the only time I read my bible in the past two months was when I spoke to the jr. high and high school kids at my campus. I opened my bible for the first time in 2 months so that I could speak to kids about God? How messed up is that?? I feel so ashamed of myself. So, as I pulled into my driveway tonight I saw my bible on the floor of my passenger side... I looked at it and felt the need to bring it inside. Mind you my bible has been in my car for over a week now. I said to God, "Ok... I'll just bring it inside tonight... and maybe I'll read it, but I am pretty tired." But as I sat down on the computer to facebook, I said this is sad I should really just read instead of waste time on here...
So there I am laying on the living room floor, flipping through my bible trying to figure out what am I going to read. I think to myself Psalm! But the funny thing about Psalm is that pretty much everytime you open your bible in the middle you end up in Psalm.. this time however, I ended up in Job. I flip to the beginning of Job and read the first few verses... and I am hooked. Turns out God pretty much made me end up there because at the moment my life reflects that of Job.
Job is one of the most faithful men! He is righteous and obeys God and praises Him in all he does! Well one day the Lord talks to Satan and asks him if he has considered Job. Satan tells God, of course he is faithful to you, He has thousands of live stock a nice home, basically he is rich! So God tells Satan, ok go ahead and take all of that way from him but do not touch Job.
So satan takes away his live stock, his servants, even his children! and Job falls to his knees and worships God. So again God asks Satan if he has considered Job. Satan tells God that of course he will still worship you, he still has his skin and bones, take that away and surely he will forsake you. So God tells Satan to go ahead just do not take Job's life.
Satan makes Job ill with sores and worms. Job tries to continue and worship God, his wife tells him to just forsake God and give up. After many days, Job grows depressed, his 3 friends hear of what has happened and they go to see their dear friend. As they are gathered with him none of them speak for several days because they see the agony and pain their friend is in. Then finally Job speaks out and he basically cries out asking why and getting mad at God. He has stopped praising God. His friends repeatedly try to tell him he needs to stop being angry and forsaking God and to start giving him praise. However, Job wont hear it. He just keeps complaining and being angry. This goes on and on..
Now I am only half way through Job and as I sat there reading these 21 chapters, I kept thinking how foolish this man is. How can you sit there and be angry at God. He gave you everything you had! and you praised him your whole life because things were good and even when things were bad. But as soon as you loose your health you begin gripping and complaining.
And then I realized, I AM JOB! I praised God and followed Him and stayed faithful, while everything was great... but as soon as bad things started happening I stopped praising. Job's friends said some pretty awesome things...
Job 11:5-6
But if only God would speak, if only he would open his lips against you, and reveal to you the secrets of wisdom for true wisdom has two sides so that you would know that God has forgiven some of your sins
Job 11:13-19
"As for you, if you prove faithful and if you stretch out your hands toward him, if iniquity is in your hand put it far away, and do not let evil reside in your tents. For then you will lift up your face without blemish; you will be securely established and will not fear. For you will forget your trouble; you will remember it like water that has flowed away. And life will be brighter than the noonday; though there be darkness, it will be like the morning. And you will be secure, because there is hope; you will be protected and will take your rest in safety.You will lie down with no one to make you afraid, and many will seek your favor.
...If you prove faithful...
If we only stay faithful, continue to praise and worship God, in the good the bad the pretty and the ugly, then we will lift up our face with out blemish. Our agony will be gone. Now that doesn't mean everything will be perfect. What it does mean is that we will forget our troubles and we will be able to just trust in God and be secure in that and have that be all that we need.
Sometimes I wonder why God puts up with us. Why he always is there for us, and sticks around no matter how many times we let Him down. I am always blown away by the fact that God loves me unconditionally. That he will always forgive me. His grace is crazy!
So I ask you... who ever you are... how many times will we play the role of Job when we are meant to be Christ-like. When will we stop playing the role of Job, and start playing the role we were designed to play?
Goodbyes July 6th, 2010
tonight was really hard.. i helped my two best friends, mark and jamie, move out of there apartment. Now they are only moving about an hour away… and i know thats not that far.. but it is still really hard.
This event marks a domino effect of goodbyes for me in the next month. There are 4 more sundays left at the church i have come to call my home. 4 sundays left with the students and leaders that have become my family, my friends, my everything.
I met mark and jamie about a year ago. And it has been so easy from the beginning to just talk to them and hang out with them. I have been able to trust them with so much, and have been so lucky to have them to go to when ever something goes wrong. I honestly could not have asked for better friends.
I really hate change. I always have. But i know i need to just trust in God. I know he put Jamie and Mark in my life for a reason, and i know that they will remain a major part of my life, just as they do now. It’ll just take a little more work.
I am just wondering when things are going to start looking up for me.. I feel like things just keep getting worse… but I know God wont give me more then I can handle.
oh well thats all for now..
Catching my breath June 17th, 2010
So much has been going on my life lately.. It had been pretty darn crazy.. and one big mess and heart ache after another.
For starters, a lot of changes are happening at my church, starting with losing our youth pastor. I have volunteered with this youth group for quite sometime now, and i can’t even begin to describe the hurt and confusion that is taking place right now. I do know that God is in complete control and will bring all of us out of this stronger and more faithful people. It just kills me to see the hurt and confusion in these kids who were just starting to trust and take deeper steps into their faith. But maybe that was Gods plan? Get there feet wet get them excited, and then put them through a hard time to show them his amazing grace, love, and just how much he truly cares about them.
This youth group has done wonders for me… even after i graduated. They have been my family, my friends, my shoulders to cry on, the people i have given my all too. they have seen me at my worst, and at my best, yet they are the people who have accepted me for 100% of everything i am. And i can not tell you of any other place other then Gods own hands that i have ever felt that. I am truly so proud of the students and just the way they love everyone, and accept everyone and anyone that would walk into the doors of our small student ministries buildings. The way they cared for each other was just an amazing thing to watch.
God did not put me in this place just so that the students could learn from me, but so that i could learn from these students as well. If it weren’t for them i would not have the strong relationship with Jesus that i now have. They have brought out my passion and made clear what my future is. If it weren’t for these kids I would not have realized how much i passionately love working and helping the youth. And I can not wait to take what i have learned from you guys and become a youth pastor!
About a month ago I traveled up north to go and visit my granddaddy, to say our goodbyes. the most amazing and incredible thing happened the night before we left to go up there.. This strong, stubborn man accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior, and gave his life to Christ. I can not tell you how incredible that was for me and my family, just to know that we will get to see him again. My granddaddy was a great man, and such a great granddaddy. He lived and incredible and full life! on may 18th, this great man went to go and be with his creator. And i know very much so that he is looking down on me and watching over me.
I have never lost a loved one before, in fact i only know one other person that has died. Yea i have heard of people dying but i have never known them directly or met them. So this is definitely one of the hardest things i have ever had to go through. I miss my granddaddy every day. I never lived close to him, and i didn’t get to see him often but when ever i did it was always such a blast. My granddaddy was seriously a really cool guy with awesome stories from his childhood. I remember one summer i went up north to see him, and we went fishing and i was so bored by it, it still is not my favorite thing to do and i find it boring… but i still am so happy that he wanted to share that with me. something i will always always cherish.
Life is really rough at times.. but its great to know that God is always there for me, and has given me some long lasting friendships to get me through.
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